Text and photos by Zach Kobrinsky, Model: William Block
This is Will. He works a 9-to-5, always votes Republican, and lives a self-admittedly boring existence. He is what you might call a “square.” Yet as fulfilling as his life may be, the encroaching age of 30, the continued existence of liberal media and healthcare reform have him rethinking his life in strange ways. No need to worry, Will. We have a solution for you: an extreme hipster makeover. It’s time to cast aside your comforts and embrace your new life. But where do we begin?
The First step toward hipsterdom
Will’s going to need to fashion that boring goatee into a moustache. Hipsters love moustaches, so if you want to fit into your new brotherhood, a moustache is a step in the right direction, although not entirely necessary. But if we’re going to convince the hipster community that Will is legit, we’re going to have to use every card we’ve got.
What clothes will you need?
First of all, what hipster would be complete without tight jeans and a flannel shirt? These are a must. If you don’t have a flannel, however, you can always substitute it for a tight t-shirt boasting an obscure band name, comic or video game reference.
Time to accessorize
- A folded bandana to insert into your back pocket. Will you ever use it for anything? Probably not.
- A G-ring for your keys. Those pants are way too tight to be putting your bulky keys in. Keys clipped onto a belt loop are a classic hipster identifier.
- A thin wallet chain.
- Converse All-stars are the most typical hipster shoe, although any solid color, lace-less slip-on shoe will work as well.
- An extra long, plain stocking cap. Make sure you wear it just above the ears and let the extra length of the cap flop off the back of your head.
- Got the basics? Let’s take it to the next level
Now that we have the most important bases covered, let’s take it a step farther. Will’s in a funk, and we need him to be convincing if he’s going to make new friends at indie rock shows. Here are a few more ideas:
- A scarf or neckerchief of some kind, or any piece of cloth to go around your neck for that matter.
- A thin jacket. Even in the dead of North Dakota winter, hipsters rarely wear bulky jackets.
- Some cool, yet slightly weird shades. Yellow frames will do just fine.
- iPod ear buds, preferably white.
Time to change your ideology, Will
We’ve got the look down, but as soon as Will opens his mouth, everyone will know he’s a fraud. Here are some basic ideological guidelines that make you readily identifiable as a hipster:
- A general distaste for anything mainstream.
- A general like for anything “indie.”
- Avoid corporate business.
- Support small business.
- Support women’s rights to abortion.
- Support the legalization of marijuana, even if you don’t smoke it.
- Basically all liberal ideals are tantamount with hipster ideals.
An identity is transformed
Once Will understood and accepted hipster ideology, something strange happened. The hipster spirit overtook him. Dr. Dog started playing on Pandora, and his new-found hipster instincts took over, although we’re not entirely sure how a lampshade ended up on his head. Oh well. Embrace the spirit, Will. Rock on. Catch you at the next Stars show.